I feel so obvious. everything about me flows out of me, and whether this information reaches either peoples conscious or subconscious is up to them. they also decide how useful this information is, and what to do with it. and it is up to me, as well, to decide how important it is to me. ...it feels useless to try and hide anything form others and even less to hide it from myself. I'm happy about this. it is a relieving feeling to be obvious.

"taijutsu" is how you move. how you choose to move. how you choose to move according to the information that you recieve. you can understand what kind of information is important to other people by looking at how they move. behave. their choise of action. location. likes and dislikes. you can learn everything about someone by looking at their taijutsu, if you are receptive to it. you can learn everything about landscapes and space too.

to have good taijutsu means not only to have good balance and control over your own body. it also means to concider the envorinment, and distance. stategy. to leave openings or guard them. internally and extrenally. when you leave an opening, naturally someone will want to fill it.

as I imagine becoming a truly good fighter, or person, or whatever you might call it, I always see some kind of limit. where you will be so enlightened, that there is no need to understand anything more. I also see several other people reaching that limit.
could two of those people get into a fight with each other?

if they would, the fight would never end. if they are as enlightened as they are, none of them could have the "wrong" idea about anything. if you become this kind of person, and you truly had to fight for some reason, I figure it is not possible to fight against your ideals. ideals are how you place yourself in questions. and how you reach the conclusion about how to do this is due to your experiences of the world. when you experience every aspect of everything, your ideals has to be the same as....the ideals of the universe. so if you not just fight for fun, you will fight for...reducing the "wrong idea" from something. not that it has to be wrong, but as long as you think it is wrong it is wrong. the one who is the better fighter is the one chosen by...the universe.
(someone can be a good fighter and totally whacked at the same time. yes.)

spawn, spawn..

I am pissed off at how I work. no information is forwarded to me, I just simply react on everything that I feel, not even registering what kind of feelings it may be. I want to punch myself in the face, I am so sickenly aggrivated. how do I stand being pushed under the subconcious all the time. uncertainty is flowing through my whole being. exept for the evil part that is in charge.
if I get angry enough, will the blocks go away, and will I then reach the core?

I will kick your butt. you fuckin freak. I will watch you. you will not get any sleep until you die. you will be so dead.

to be at peace theory

it is possible to be everything at the same time. as you are beginning to understand this, you will also little by little feel as if it was a crucial matter. wich it is.

to be a complete entity, one will eventually need to drop ones ego. the death of the ego occurs when you are everything that is inside you at the same time. and to be all at once means not to focus on everything you are, but to accept it. as long as you have blockings between the concious and the subconsious, actions will not be regarded in a complete way by the individual. wich means, you cannot see what your ideals truly are, and act according to them.

every issue that is blocked (due to the trauma of living) becomes extremely important to the subconcious to remember. and since the body is forever in regeneration, it tries to unblock the blocks, or in some way experience what is experienced behind the block. if you experience somthing truly and completely, there is no conflict in the mind. no frustration. because an experience is an actual direct link to expression. the expression releases tension between the consious and the subconcious. thus, creating a state without conflict. no blocks.

because what creates the trauma is the belief that suppression is more favourable than expression. a rough example is a kid whos parents get angry when he wants things. and since he is afraid of them when they are angry, he decides to shut up instead. and begins to block his needs, since he has a bad experience of them. (and in the case of the parents, it would have been better if they learned that every need someone has is not a demand that they have to oblige. thus not being scared of someone wanting something.)


to understand what is truly universal you need not to look at nothing more than an atom, for the essence of the universe is fractalic. the only thing you need to do is to look at it from every angle possible. this is more work than one can ever grasp if you are not already there. as with anything. you cannot imagine how good someone is at martial arts, unless you are as good yourself.

when you are young you have rough, wide areas to play on. in terms of errors and mistakes. both physically and mentally. and of course, it is inevitable to learn. you have resources to investigate the world and how to live. the older you become the less space is granted before the mistake becomes fatal, but also, you have more skills to change the situation before it comes to that. the skills you develop becomes more and more separable, graspable. the shading gets more and more detailed. if you continue without developing everything, but instead only pieces of yourself, the body will degenerate in that area. if you inherited a walking style that makes the knees wither from your mother, and not ever change it because you dont feel the need to, when your body is old enough, the knees will be damaged, as well as everything else connected to the knees. wich is everything, even though it is affected in a chain reacion and not all at once. the key is awareness and open mindness. if you have this, you will soon begin too see things you didn't know were.


this is the process of adaptation to what is given, and by that, finding freedom because of being able to maipulate your enviroment. because if you know how something works, you can interact with it.

I would like to collect some words here, wich I find describe something fundamental. I have not decided what it is implying. maybe it is axioms for being truly alive.

patience
awareness
balance
peace
passion
regeneration
trust
creativity
presence